by:
Tom Attea
Now, the stage was set. We had land, water, the sky, heat and light, and our first invention, a way for whatever creatures we would invent to reproduce and have a great time doing so. Now, we were ready to develop the actual creatures who would inhabit the invention. Today we were scheduled to start with the ones that would go in the water and air.
“I want to congratulate everybody for your work so far. It’s because of your dedication and contributions that we can now invent the creatures who will inhabit the universe. I understand you brought some prototypes.”
“Yes, I did. I thought some samples would be helpful.”
“Excellent. Is there any special way you’d like to proceed?”
“Actually, there is.”
“How so?”
“From the bottom up.”
“Where’s the bottom?”
“Didn’t we say the water would go where it’s low?”
“Yes, we did.”
“So what could be lower than the bottom of the water?”
“Not much, at least, as far as creatures are concerned.”
“Good. Then let’s follow your lead and start there. What do you have?”
“To get things started, hot water.”
“Way down there? I didn’t know the heat we’re putting way up in the sky would get down that far?”
“It doesn’t. This heat comes from way down under.”
“Can you elaborate?”
“Sure. When the original agglomerations we decided to call planets take shape, they’re really hot items. In fact, during the first few billion years or so, you wouldn’t want to sit down on one.”
“That hot, huh?”
“Enough to melt steel.”
“So what happens?”
“What else? Over the millennia, they cool down, I mean, at least on the surface, or else where are the creatures going to be comfortable?”
“Got ya.”
“I see where you’re going. There’s still heat toward the middle that finds its way out.”
“Right. And, of course, that leads to – “
“– hot water!”
“Which facilitates the socializing of the atoms and molecules.”
“Ah, ha! So we have a hot time in the old water tonight.”
“If you need to look at it that way. Anyway, the water’s boiling hot, the atoms and the molecules are rubbing up against each other and combining this way and that. And out of this really happening whirlpool bath of attraction and repulsion we get molecular couples, families, extended families, etc.”
“And then?”
“Eventually, they combine into creatures that are just right for the environment.”
“Got a name for that?”
“Yeah. We call it ‘Survival Of The Ones That Fit.’”
“Sounds right. Go on.”
“Mind if I go to the tank?”
“Please. But I’d like to move through this aspect of creatures. I’m looking forward to inventing the ones that go on land. I understand we plan to make some of them intelligent enough to understand a bit about what we plan to accomplish. ”
“Now, mustn’t jump ahead. The ones that go in the water and in the sky are every bit as important.”
“Fine. Tech will be tech. Go ahead.”
“Here we have something that actually lives under the bottom. “
“Under it?”
“What? You want to waste all that room?”
“No way. I want creatures wherever they can fit.”
“That’s the principle we’re working with down in the lab: maximum appropriate variety.”
“My sentiments exactly. What do you call that creature?”
“A sandworm. Of course, there are different kinds, but let’s just group them under the heading 'sandworms.'”
“Gotcha.”
“We’ve also got all kinds of sand bugs.”
“I might have guessed. I think we can allow you to work out the details on those. Just stay pretty much with six legs for all those whatchamacallits?"
"Insects. Will do. Mind if some can walk and fly?"
"Sounds like a good mix. What’s next?”
“Well, right here we have, as you’ll notice, a prototype that’s standing on the bottom without moving.”
“What do you call that?”
“Actually, we have two types. This green one that’s just standing around is a typical example of what we decided to call a plant, in this case, seaweed. But notice this other critter that’s just standing on the rock, waving it’s colorful arms. It may look like a plant, but actually it’s what we intend to call an animal.”
“No kidding? I thought only plants were just going to stand around?”
“That was the original concept, but we thought about it and decided, Hey, why not have some rudimentary creatures that just sort of stand around, too?”
“Seems that there should be a place for such creatures. How does that one function?”
“See the tiny wavy things?”
“Yeah.”
“They’re called cilia. We talked about those when we discussed reproduction. Remember?"
"Who could forget? I think we all enjoyed that session."
"Enabled the entire thing we're inventing. But go ahead."
"You might like to know that the name 'cilia" is derived from the irrepressible thought that, vital as they are, they can at times look a bit silly, waving away with no apparent reason. In this case, waving them is actually how the creature attracts food.”
“Food?”
“As you remember, all the creatures need energy. And food is the way they’re going to get it.”
“Got a name for the process by which it locates and intakes food?”
“Yeah. We call it ‘Natural Food Selection.’”
“All right! Like it!”
“Thanks. For short, we call it ‘eating.’”
“Understood. Please, continue.”
“What’s that other thing stuck to the bottom?”
“This item with the round hands over itself?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s the middle ground. It can attach itself to something but it can also crawl around.”
“What do you call it?”
“These we call clams and these mussels.”
“What’s the diff’?”
“Well, the word ‘clam’ refers to a defensive tactic. Watch when I move my finger toward it. See how it clams up?”
“Neato. What about the other term?”
“That covers the means of locomotion. Notice this one that's on the move. See. It pokes out of the shell and kind of muscles its way around.”
“Interesting concept. What’s that creature crawling around on the bottom?”
“We call that a lobster.”
“Why is that?”
“You see these sharp, two-fingered hands? They use them to lob food around. Ergo, lobsters.”
“How can something that moves that slow possibly get food?”
“The plan is it eats things that fall to the bottom.”
“Dead things?”
“I asked you not to use that word. Remember, anything that lives never dies. It just completes its life.”
“How about just “ends it’?”
“Whatever, as long as you don’t say ‘die.’ What an injustice to the whole process. As the creatures live, they save their lives. So they don’t just die. Got it?”
“Yes, boss. Sorry about that.”
“Please, go on.”
“OK. So this guy or gal just crawls around on the bottom and eats things that fall there.”
“You seem to have this part of the water pretty much under control. Can we move on from the bottom?”
“I have a few more things to cover.”
“Sounds like more detail work. Take care of it down in the lab.”
“No problem. Next, we have the things that get around by the process I noted at an earlier meeting, called ‘swimming.’ Anybody need a review?”
“I think we all remember. You can continue.”
“OK. See all these colorful little guys and gals. They’re what we call fish.”
“Fish?”
“Yeah. It’s a combo we worked out from the wish that we could come up with creatures that can move through the water really fast, even though it's quite thick, say, in comparison with air. So 'fast' plus ‘wish’ led to ‘fish.’"
"Works for me.”
“Me, too. And the fish swim?”
“Right.”
“Why only little ones?”
“We’re limited by how big a tank I could get in here.”
“Of course.”
“We're also working on a whale of a demo tank ."
"Good. Look forward to seeing your work as it evolves."
"Fortunately, the bigger ones function pretty much the same way as the little ones. For instance, see how they're wiggling their tails back and forth?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s the principle behind all of them, no matter how big they get.”
“I remember. They push the water this way and that with their tails and the water pushes back, so they go forward?”
“Right on, baby! Except when you get to most of the biggest creatures in the water.”
“What happens then?”
“They move their tails up and down. We thought it was a necessary variation.”
“I’ll go along with that. You were talking about developing a way for the creatures in the water to breathe. How’d you manage that?”
“Gil had an insight, so we call it gills. Let me take this little fella out and demonstrate for a moment. Excuse me, he’s kind of feisty. Got ya! OK, now look here. See these little red things just behind its head.”
“Yeah. Those the gills?”
“Right.”
“How do they work?”
“The fish uses its mouth and these flaps to move water over them, and the little red wonders nip out the O2 and give back CO2.”
“Which the plants in the water can’t wait to breathe in?”
“Exactamundo! Now, I can go into detail as long as you want me to, but that’s basically what happens in the water. Just let me remind you about the stuff that floats on it. Remember plankton?”
“Who could forget? We know. Elemental teamwork with the creatures that breathe in O2 and breathe out CO2. It breathes in CO2 and sends out O2.”
“Right. A lot, too, because there's going to be a lot of it. ”
“So let me recap. The whole shebang starts in hot water. Then we get creatures that inhabit every possible nook and cranny that can support them – under the bottom, on the bottom, above the bottom, and right on top. Am I right?”
“That about covers it. Of course, as the atoms and molecules respond, they can create quite an array of creatures. Our thoughts are still taking shape but overall we plan to provide for a perfectly flexible response, which, of course, would lead to perfectly appropriate variety. At least, that’s the plan. All the life that fits. ”
“Excellent. So have we covered the water creatures sufficiently?”
“Almost. We still have to talk about the creatures that swim on top of it and fly over it. That, of course, brings us to the air creatures. ”
“What do you call those?”
“Collectively, birds. These we named water birds.”
“They can actually float on the water and fly up into the sky? How so?”
“Let me move to the birdcage. Excuse me. I put this cover on them to keep them quiet. See. The plan is that they develop these big flat hands that they wave back and forth. In the process, they beat against the air and the air beats back.”
“Sort of like the way swimming works?”
“Yeah, only a lighter take on it.”
“But how do they stay up there? Looks like a pretty plump critter just to be flitting around in the sky.”
“That was a real brain teaser. But we finally realized two things. First, we could give the air creatures hollow bones, which would be much lighter.”
“Good thought.”
“Yeah, but it still wasn’t quite enough. The thick hair that was intended to keep them warm weighed them down.”
“What hair? I don't see any of the usual type. ”
“I see you noticed. We developed this special kind of hair that would be lighter. “
“Interesting. But how so lighter? The strands look much thicker.”
“Yeah, but the main part is hollow.”
“Like the bones?”
“Right. We call them feathers.”
“Feathers, as in?”
“Flying in all kinds of weather.”
“Makes sense. I assume at some point they get tired of flying around?"
"Yes, they do."
"What do they do at that point."
"Land."
"I know we have land. I mean, what do they do? Come down onto the land?"
"Or the water. Either one. Oh, I should mention where they eat."
"I assume when they're not flying around?"
"Not necessarily. Remember I said we had bugs that go under the bottom of the water. Well, we also have bugs that go just about everywhere."
"Don't tell me, even in the sky?"
"Yeah. Wherever the little buggers can find a livable niche."
"And the birds can catch them even when they're both flying around?"
"Yeah. The aeronautical math was a bit challenging, but we were able to work out how the bird and the bug could intersect, even when the bug was doing everything possible to avoid the conjunction. Of course, life won't always be that challenging. The birds and the bugs will also be able to alight here and there and chow down."
"Sounds advisable. Anything else?”
Well, at some point we have to get creatures onto the land, and we thought, Wow, why not tap into the creatures that are already in the water?”
“Seems like the right tactic. But I think that moves us into the next meeting – the land creatures. Agreed?”
“Yep.”
“Inspired work. Really. Tell the people in tech I commend them."
"Thanks. I'll be sure to forward you compliment."
"Seems to me we now have a good handle on creatures that go in the water and the sky. Let’s adjourn for today. Tomorrow, we do the land creatures.”
So now we had made the big transition from setting the stage to starting to populate it. We had the water and the sky behind us, and the land creatures were just ahead. I kept wondering, What could go on the land that’s different from what we invented to go in the water and the sky? Oh, I suppose the unique attributes of life on land would do a lot to guide our thinking.
About The Author
Tom Attea, humorist and creator of
http://NewsLaugh.com, has had six shows produced Off-Broadway. Critics have called his writing "delightfully funny," "witty," with "good, genuine laughs" and "great humor and ebullience."
