by:
Tom Attea
At last, we came to the final meeting. It was time to invent details like gravity and magnetism. Then we were scheduled for a final question and answer period. I was waiting for the right moment to bring up my idea that every planet that would have life that can read should come with an instruction manual.
“Well, what do you know? Here we are, at our final meeting. How long do you think we need?”
“It should go pretty fast.”
“Good. Did you prepare an agenda?”
“Yes, I did. I thought we’d start with gravity, move on to magnetism, confirm food, and then cover a few elements of environmental variety that we haven’t discussed, like snow.”
“Snow? What’s that?”
“Something that happens to rain when it gets colder. I’ll get to it later.”
“What about the Q and A session?”
“I believe we scheduled that for the end.”
“Good. Then, please, proceed.”
“Thanks. First, let’s look at gravity.”
“What’s it for?”
“Do we want everything we invent to fly off the agglomerations and disappear into space?”
“Of course, not.”
“That’s why we came up with gravity. It’s this special power – force, but I know you don’t think much of that word – that makes everything that’s not attached to the planet stay put.”
“Sounds essential to me.”
“We should definitely include it.”
“Where’s it come from?”
“Oh, there are a variety of sources, because we need it in general distribution to help hold the entire invention together. But on the level of each agglomeration, it’s basically generated when the planet spins.”
“Excuse me. Wouldn’t that usually make things fly off?”
“Not in this case. The way we’re working gravity is, it actually pulls things toward the center of the planet.”
“Have you done the math?”
“Yeah. It was pretty straightforward.”
“I think he’s made a case for gravity. Let’s say we just go with it? You’ve got the votes. Please, move on.”
“Great. Next, we have something called magnetism.”
“Purpose, please?”
“Well, I have a little list.”
“The top line will do.”
“Let me give you a really convenient use for it. If all goes as planned, one day we’re going to have these pretty intelligent creatures, standing on this relatively big thing we call a planet, without a clue which end is up. This invention will let them figure that out.”
“Really?”
“Yep. Of course, once they know which end is up, they’ll also know which end is down.”
“Cool. Go on.”
“Sure thing. Anybody interested in the technology behind it?”
“An overview will do.”
“Of course. We plan to give the top of the agglomeration one magnetic charge and the bottom the opposite charge.”
“The usual binary stuff?”
“Right. Plus and minus; right, left; male, female. So pretty soon after we have creatures who are smart enough to care which end is up, they’ll learn that if they put a little piece of metal on a tiny axel it will be attracted to the top or bottom of the agglomeration, depending on the charge that’s there at the time.”
“It moves around?”
“Over time it can switch, yes. But for starters we think the little piece of metal should probably point up.”
“Would you call magnetism essential or just a convenience?”
“If I were a creature, I’d consider it absolutely essential.”
“All right, granted. Magnetism it is. What else?”
“Food.”
“Why food? I thought we covered that in an earlier meeting.”
“Let me check my notes, boss.”
“No need to. We did. I just want to review what we decided and make sure we’re all in agreement. I don’t want to hear any 'Why didn’t you tell us?' stuff when the universe is actually up and running.”
“Go ahead.”
“We know the creatures need energy, and food is the way they’re going to get it. So let’s review our choices. We can either have it shipped in or each planet can provide its own.”
“Having it shipped in feels kind of artificial to me. Every day this train of food arrives out of nowhere.”
“It would certainly be odd, especially considering that we plan for the universe to function in a perfectly natural way.”
“I’m against food shipments. I insist that the entire invention be self-sustaining.”
“You’re sure about that?”
“Of course. It certainly seems like a basic perfection to me.”
“I agree.”
“Oh, me, too. But that only leaves one choice.”
“What’s that?”
“They eat each other.”
“The creatures?”
“Yeah.”
“How happy can that make them?”
“Well, that depends on how you look at it. If all you see is part of the picture, it may not seem like such a great idea. On the other hand, if you see that the creatures have their own lives but they also contribute to the support of other creatures, it starts to make sense.”
“I see, everything has a dual role.”
“Yeah. What do you think?”
“Sounds workable. But will they have a choice about what they eat?”
“The smarter ones will.”
“And?”
“I think we said they should be free to make up their own minds. That’s part of the reason for making them smart, isn’t it?”
“Yes, it is.”
“So what will their choices be?”
“Well, they can decide to eat plants and animals or just plants. I don’t think many of them will decide just to eat animals.”
“Why not?”
“We’re leaving that simple choice up to the simpler creatures. The smart ones will realize that a well-rounded diet is much better.”
“What if the smarter ones don’t like the idea of eating other animals?”
“They could get by on plants.”
“What about the simpler creatures? Do they ever eat the smarter ones?”
“There might be occasions. We have to trust the smarter ones to watch out.”
“OK. I’ve heard enough about food. I’m for the self-sustaining setup. All in favor? Excellent. I believe you have another subject to cover?”
“Yeah. Rain.”
“We already covered that.”
“Yes, we did. But only as rain.”
“What else is there?”
“I want to talk about some interesting concepts we have about how it might transform itself.”
“Transform itself? Why would it do that?”
“We figure it will be heat sensitive.”
“Hmm, go on.”
“When it gets hot, it could float up as something we’re calling steam.”
“Steam?”
“Yeah. We derived it from the idea of a stream. Just deleted the ‘tr’ because we thought the idea of transformation is evident without it.”
“It works for me. Anything else?”
“Yes, sir. When the temperature gets colder.”
“Of course. Up, down; hotter, colder.”
“Obviously, two is one of your favorite numbers.”
“Yeah, I love what you can do with it. One is so limiting, but as soon as you go to two, wow, the possibilities really get exciting.”
“Go on.”
“Right. When it gets a little colder, it could turn into something we call frost.”
“Which is?”
“Kind of a cold coating.”
“That’s it for rain?”
“No, no. Two more things.”
“Hey, this stuff is really quite versatile.”
“Yes, it is. And fun to work with, like when the sky gets even colder.”
“What happens then?”
“We get something I mentioned up front: snow.”
“Yes?”
“Now, instead of coming down as plain water, the rain comes down as these really cool white flakes.”
“Hey, that does sound like fun.”
“What happens when the frosty flakes hit the ground?”
“Sometimes they pile up.”
“And?”
“The ground can get what we call slippery.”
“Is that a problem?”
“It can be. Things can slide around and bang into each other. Creatures can slip.”
“Uh-oh. I don’t know if I like that.”
“But it can also be a pack of fun. Creatures young and old and slide on it. On balance, I like it as part of environmental variety.”
“Be quite pretty to see all that white stuff coming down.”
“Yeah, but water is heavy. Won’t the white things hurt the creatures when it lands?”
“Not the way we’re planning it. The flakes will actually be quite light. That’s why we call them flakes.”
“How did you arrive at that term?”
“We combined ‘floating’ and ‘lakes.’'’
“Oh, I see. Like floating lakes?”
“Right.”
“Lots of water, but light enough to float down?”
“Exactly.”
“Neat.”
“What about the long-term effects. I don’t want the land covered up with it forever.”
“Not to worry. As soon as the weather warms up, it becomes water again.”
“Good. Anything else for rain?”
“Just one more thing. We figured when the temp gets even lower, it could turn into something hard as a rock.”
“Why that?”
“Couple of reasons. First, rain that’s already on the ground as water. The hard stuff, which we’ve given the working name of ice, could form a layer on top of the water so, no matter how cold the sky gets, the covering would actually keep the creatures warmer.”
“I like that. We don’t want the water creatures to get too cold.”
“Especially not frozen. They’d be stiff and that would mean they couldn’t swim.”
“Nice. I like ice.”
“And get this. It will be slippery, just like the snow. So the creatures could have fun with it, too.”
“Sliding around on it?”
“Yeah. But we have a word for it that just seems to sound colder than skidding.”
“What?”
“Skating.”
“Ice skating?”
“Yeah. You should try it.”
“Whatever. You people are having entirely too much fun down in the lab.”
“Anything else?”
“Ice in the sky.”
“In the sky? I don't know about that.”
“Can you provide some clarification?”
“Sure. When the sky is cold, the rain could also fall down as ice balls.”
“Ice balls? Why have that?”
“Well, if we’re really serious about everything happening in a perfectly natural way, and we agree that when the temps get really cold, the water becomes ice, then, if the water happens to be falling from the sky when it’s really cold, it should be able to come down as ice.”
“Can you just assure me of one thing?”
“What?”
“I need you to keep the ice balls relatively small. I don’t want any enormous round things hammering the creatures.”
“Let me make a note of that. I’m sure we can build in a control.”
“Anything else?”
“No, sir. That actually about does it for inventions.”
“OK, great. Inspired work, really. Congratulations.”
“Thank you.”
“Can we have a hand for the entire team in tech?”
“Stop, you’re embarrassing me.”
“OK, then. What do you say we move to the Q & A session? Question, anybody?”
“Yeah, as a matter of fact, I do have one. I can understand how the simpler creatures will be happy. They’ll just do the basic things without thinking too much about life in general. My concern is the smarter creatures. We decided they’re going to be smart enough to think about themselves, right?”
“That’s the plan.”
“Here’s the question. Will being able to do that make them happier? I mean, if it doesn’t, why bother?”
“Well, I think that depends on the creature who’s doing the thinking.”
“In what way?”
“Different ones will have different opinions.”
“Are you saying some of them might not be happier?”
“I’m saying, if they’re as free as we agreed they should be, yes, some of them are bound to be less than jolly.”
“I’m not sure I like that.”
“Well, being able to decide that is consistent with our variety principle. If we’re true to it, we should allow for some of them to be really happy and others to be really unhappy.”
“It certainly seems that way to me.”
“I have a more basic question. If they have all these processes going on inside them just to keep them alive, how are they going to have time to think about anything but the processes?”
“Oh, no problem. We plan to put all those functions on autopilot.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. We figure, why make the creatures think about the billions of things that will be going on to keep them alive. We want to free them up to think about their lives, do things they actually want to do, and, my favorite subject, think about and discover the given.”
“The given?”
“What the universe is made of, how it works, etc.”
“Now, of course, you’re referring to the creatures who become scientists?”
“Yeah. They’re going to have a great time, trying to figure out all we put into this thing.”
“What else are the creatures going to think about?”
“I think we have to deal with the hard question.”
“Which is?”
“Well, the smartest creatures are going to realize they don’t last forever. How is that going to affect them?”
“Hmm, good question.”
“I think they should just do what my grandmother always told me and that’s to count their blessings.”
“Yeah, but that only goes so far. Put yourself in their position. You love another creature. Then the creature you love – “
“– careful now. Do not use the word I disapprove of, whatever you do.”
“Yes, sir. The other creature completes his or her life. What do you think? Happy, sad?”
“I’m surprised you’d ask. No way we want to invent creatures who would be happy at a time like that. How insensitive would that be? I would want creatures who would feel sad.”
“Me, too. But not forever.”
“Fine. But now let’s face up to the question in a general sense. How do they deal with the realization that none of them is going to live forever.”
“Well, let’s talk about that. Seems to me if they’re smart enough to consider such a question, they’re also smart enough to figure out the choices we had to make.”
“In what sense?”
“If every creature lived forever, how long would it take for the planet to fill up? After all, there’s only so much space.”
“Right. So pretty soon there wouldn’t be any room for new creatures.”
“Exactly. So I think realizing that should help them understand the overall idea we’re going with.”
“Which is?”
“Lifespans – for creatures, planets, whatever.”
“You mean, everything gets a certain share of the whole life of the universe?”
“Right. And if you value it – “
“– Hey, right. That’s it!”
“What?”
“The way they’ll finally be able to think.”
“Go on.”
“If they value life enough, they’ll know what a great thing it is to be part of, even if just for part of the whole thing.”
“Sounds like a reasonable conclusion to me.”
“Right. They’d realize some life is better than none. In fact, that it’s pretty fantastic, even if it can’t last forever.”
“Makes a tremendous amount of sense to me. How much of a share do you think each creature should have? Want to set an amount?”
“Seems kind of stiff and unnatural to me. What do you say we just go with our variety principle?”
“I don’t know about letting that go too far. What about the creatures whose lives happen to ‘end’ very early?”
“Sounds like a sad event, doesn’t it?”
“Yes, it does. But if the creatures realize, as I do, that even a moment of life is better than none at all, they should finally be able to make peace with such a sad loss.”
“OK, let’s say they learn to do that. The question I have is, what will they think of us?”
“That’s a very consequential question.”
“I think that, after all is said and done, we can only hope they realize we made what we think are the right decisions.”
“Yes, I think that’s right. Let me wax poetic here for a moment.”
“Go ahead. We could use some poetry about now.”
“Let’s say one evening there’s this intelligent creature, who happens to walk down to a lake that doesn’t have ice on it, because the weather is warm. He or she looks up and sees the blue sky with some white clouds in it. The sun is just going down on one crinkle of land or mountain, and it’s sending this rosy afterglow into the sky. Maybe there are some sky creatures that happen to fly overhead. On the other side of the lake, he or she sees a big piece of leftover material, which right now we’re calling a moon, that has already made its appearance, because it’s where it can reflect some of the sunlight. Now, he or she notices that the whole picture in the sky is reflected in the water.”
“The person sees the sky looking up and looking down?”
“Yeah. Remember, we said that’s what water would do – reflect things that are above it. Anyway, he or she or both of them, if they happen to be a couple, stand there and realize that because of what we did, they can experience such a beautiful sight. What do you think will go on in their minds?”
“I think they’d say, 'Wow, magnificent! I don’t know who invented it, but they sure did a great job.'”
“I hope so.”
“I have one more very interesting question.”
“What?”
“When one of the smart creatures ‘completes’ his or her life, or when these creatures just think about that happening, how much should they know?”
“Can you please clarify the question?”
“Well, should they know if something else does or doesn’t come after the lives they’re living?”
“That is a very interesting question.”
“Yes, it is. Why don’t we look at it from both sides?”
“Go on.”
“What if they know for sure there’s something afterward. What happens?”
“How much are they going to appreciate what they have?”
“Right. And what are we doing here, going to all this trouble to invent something wonderful if it’s just a stopover on the way to a better place?”
“Makes sense. Now, let’s suppose they know for sure there’s nothing after it. What now?”
“Hmm, any thoughts on that?”
“Well, it seems to me that the more they appreciate their lives, the more they’ll be able to come to terms with such a thought."
“It would seem that way. But what happens if we just leave the question open?”
“Can we do that?”
“I don’t see why not. We’re talking about what creatures know in the universe we’re inventing, not what they know about what might or might not be outside of it.”
“You’ve got a very convincing point there. They should be able to know everything that’s in what we’re inventing but what’s outside of it – “
"– should, at least, not be their primary concern.”
“Well, I think it only would be if they didn’t see much in what we’ve done.”
“So what if we just leave the question unanswered and let them make up their own minds?”
“Like it. Sounds perfectly appropriate to me.”
“And it goes with – “
“– I know, I know, our variety principle.”
“I thought the variety thing was quite evident. I wasn’t going to say that.”
“Oh, sorry. What were you going to say?”
“That it goes with the idea that we said they should be free to make up their own minds.”
“Yes, it does. So let me recap. The smarter creatures can learn everything about what’s inside the universe we’re inventing and they can ask questions about what might or might not be outside of it.”
“I can’t imagine a better arrangement.”
“Neither can I. So that does it. My only hope is that these smart creatures appreciate what we invented enough to love whatever they want to think may or may not have invented it.”
“Hey, that brings up a really interesting question.”
“What?”
“Should there be a way for them to know about us?”
“What? They can’t realize we did things like make the place they get to live in magnificent – that blue sky, gold sun, the green plants, all the other creatures?”
“I guess if they’re as smart as we hope they are they’d be able to read a lot about us from that.”
“Right. They read backward from what we invented. It’s good, we’re good.”
“You mean, good overall? I mean, this freedom thing is going to allow for some really sorrowful events.”
“You want to abridge it?”
“No, not within the world they inhabit.”
“Right. Once it’s there, we butt out. How could they plan anything or feel any freedom and dignity if we were always stepping in and changing the rules?”
“I’ll go along with that. But let’s just suppose they want to express some appreciation for what we’ve done? What can they do?”
“What do you think?”
“I’ll tell you what. The first thing they can do is take good care of what we invented. I mean, show some respect for their lives and do the best they can with them.”
“Yeah, some respect for the entire invention.”
“If the smart creatures can’t figure out something that basic, I’m going to be one disappointed dude. And it’s back to the lab for you.”
“They’ll be fine. They may need some time to catch on, but, I can assure you, they’ve got what it takes.”
“You made sure of that?”
“We did our best. The rest if up to them. More would start to impinge on their freedom.”
“You’re right. Let’s go with that. They can show their appreciation by taking care of what they can experience. Anything else is an optional extra.”
“Agreed. We don’t need empty praise while they take their eyes off the ball. We’re above that, right?”
“We certainly are. However, I’m not too against empty praise as long as they do keep their eyes on the ball.”
“Whatever suits them.”
“Wisely said. I think we’ve got wrap.”
“Can I just ask one thing, boss?”
“Sure.”
“I brought the subject up before, but I can’t resist one more try. I think it might really be helpful if the planets that have life on them that’s smart enough to read come with an instruction manual. I mean, even the simple things they learn to make, like radios and TV’s, will come with instruction manuals. And there they are, looking at this big complex thing called the universe, and there’s no instruction manual.”
“OK. Let’s say for a moment we gave them one, and it had all the answers in it, including how to make everything they would ever discover how to make. Wouldn’t that be kind of an insult to their intelligence?”
“Interesting point. I mean, if we’re giving them brains that are appropriate to their needs, why would we take away the chance to use them?”
“Besides, where are you going to put this instruction manual? On a rock, where they’ll see it one day? It all sounds kind of unnatural to me.”
“I agree. It’s just another way of saying we don’t trust what we invented to function on its own. Besides, I like giving them challenges that make them use their brains right down to the last brain cell – or why did we put that last brain cell there?”
“I completely agree. So that does it. Can the instruction manual.”
“But, boss. Let’s go beyond the basics for a moment to spiritual stuff. If we don’t give them an instruction manual, they won’t know what to believe. They’ll develop all kinds of different beliefs, and that could cause problems.”
“Seems like a natural development to me. But I think you’re talking about the early days. Do we or do we not expect these creatures to last for millions of years?”
“At least, where they behave as intelligently as they’ve been given the ability to.”
“So in time they should figure out that the world they behold is one truth and that, if their beliefs grow out of it, they should pretty much agree on a set of beliefs. You care about the gizmo, you have all the beliefs you need, including how to make us happy.”
“And, hopefully, you can see that we believe in them enough to give them the freedom to learn things on their own, so they should read that as it’s right to give other creatures the freedom to believe whatever they want to.”
“As long, course, if they don’t hurt anybody.”
“I don’t know. This all sounds a little optimistic to me.”
“Sorry, we absolutely must trust what we invented. So forget the manual.”
“OK, OK. You win. No instruction manual. They have to figure out everything for themselves. Hey, how about if we compromise?”
“What do you mean?”
“My notes. Can I at least share them with the creatures who can read?”
“The meeting notes?”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t know about that. Won’t it tell them too much about what’s outside of what we’re inventing?”
“Hmm, I tell you what. I’ll think about it and let you know.”
“Thanks, boss. I can’t ask for more than that.”
“OK, then. Just let us know when you’re ready to launch the universe. I’d like to be there.”
“Will do.”
“Got a timeframe for the big birth?”
“We should be ready for a go in about a week.”
“All right! Looking forward to it!”
“I think we all are. See you then.”
So our final meeting came to an end. We had now invented the universe. Soon, we would be ready to rev it up and send it for a spin. And just think! If this universe worked well, who knows? We could decide to go into mass production. I was especially glad that the big boss might give me the go-ahead to release my meeting notes. And guess what? He finally came around. But, of course, now you know that, because you just read them. Enjoy the universe. We sure enjoyed making it. And remember, happy times or sad, we did our very best.
About The Author
Tom Attea, humorist and creator of
http://NewsLaugh.com, has had six shows produced Off-Broadway. Critics have called his writing "delightfully funny," "witty," with "good, genuine laughs" and "great humor and ebullience."
